I'd like to thank all of the individuals who have inspired this post.
This is probably going to be the most candid post I have written on this blog. You and I both know this isn't a topic to take lightly for us girls who have dealt with loads of BS from boys.
I've halted on writing about the specificities of my own experiences with the male population for my reasons of course. But I don't think that would be fair to other girls out there.
I write from my personal experience and having dealt with
all of this first hand.
You might be asking: why are you doing this?
Is this just a personal written vendetta for all the boys who hurt you?
Maybe.
But here are the real reasons:
Because crying uncontrollably in your car, at night, or even at the thought of a guy who broke your heart just hurts.
Because being hurt by a clueless boy shouldn't feel like getting your heart ripped out of your chest.
Because second guessing yourself over a guy shouldn't ever happen.
Because falling for someone who is in love with someone else is painful.
Because waiting for a text message and over thinking everything said shouldn't be something you should get used to.
Because giving yourself to a guy who doesn't value you is not okay.
Because thinking that a guy will change when he won't isn't fair.
Because being taken advantage of and manipulated is ridiculous.
Because holding onto promises that will never be kept is just heartbreaking.
Because spending your precious time with a guy who intends to have no future with you is not cool.
Because allowing a guy who isn't committed to you to mess with your feelings is deplorable.
Because having to explain to your parents about a guy they will never meet but constantly see you get hurt over is just stupid.
And because mascara is way too expensive to waste it on a boy that will only ruin your expectations of other men.
Every girl at one point or another will come across this type of guy.
Maybe you are even dealing with this guy right now.
Well darling, let's shed some light on this type of guy.
Have you ever heard had a boy (
and I use the term boy correctly because a mature male would be considered a man) just do you so wrong, you question how you even allowed that?
You managed to fall for a guy that
seemed like he had everything you wanted.
He's cute. He's sweet. He says all the right things.
And then you realize something just doesn't seem to add up.
You justify your feelings and his actions. It's okay that he cancels plans all the time. We're far apart and in college and too young so it won't work for now. It's okay for now, you'll say. I'm okay with us not being official. Maybe it's better this way. We'll take things "slow". We can't be together because of this or that so I'm happy with what we have. It's supposed to be like this for now and everything will get better. I'll be the only one. I'll be his. We'll be together.
Wrong.
You know that common term in a female's vocabulary known as the F-boy?
We'll I'm sure you've encountered this species before.
They are the experts of sweet talking.
Want to be called gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, and all of its counterparts? They'll call you that.
Want someone to constantly text you, "What you are doing?". They've got it down.
Love spontaneity? They'll be spontaneous for sure.
Need an excuse? They can come up with a billion in under 60 seconds.
How are they the experts of sweet talking?
Because they have done it to a bunch of girls and your are one of the many in his text message list.
Oh, what about those confident boosting names?
That's just so they don't get your name confused with all the other girls they are talking to.
The classic: "What are you doing?"
This is not to ask about how you are or if you had a good day. Oh no. That would be asking too much. That's an easy gateway to start a convo that feeds their imaginative minds at night. Seriously boys, GTFO.
Spontaneous? Oh, they definitely are spontaneous. They cancel plans on the spot to avoid either seeing you or planning things because doing so would see like they care.
Excuses? If you ever need one, just ask one of them. They've got plenty.
Why can't you go out, spend time together, come over for dinner, or maybe go to a movie? Because his mom's sister's aunt's god mother's cat died. Or he's super super busy (doing nothing) and just can't go. Or my favorite: because he's in a different country and incapable of finding any cellular towers or wifi connection and can only email to explain all this to cancel plans and seeing you when he's really been dating another girl for months.
Why can't you make anything official? Oh, we just can't be together right now because "I'm not emotionally ready", "I'm not looking for a girlfriend right now", "I just got out of a relationship", or I like "what we have" (which is nothing).
And yes, the whole emailing pretending to be in a different country story is true.
I'm laughing just thinking of the idiocy of it.
Let me make this clear.
Guys are not all like this.
That's the mistake we all make. We project what another guy has done to us to a guy who is actually trying to show you they care.
They actually care about you. They aren't just interested in getting the one thing you can give them. They actually want you.
Once you've encountered this type of individual, it's hard to even think about how you tolerated what other boys did. You have to learn to let go and it's hard. I'll admit, I constantly think of how things can go wrong and expect the worst. Why? Because that's what I was used to.
Just know this: a guy who really like you and I mean really likes you, wouldn't do any of this crap.
They wouldn't leave you second guessing a single text or trying to decipher every word. They are clear about how they feel about you.
They would actually appreciate your time. Time is something you never get back and they know that. They don't tell you spitefully last minute that they can't do something because something else is more important than you.
You are a priority. You are not just something they talk to or pay attention to when they are bored.
Some of us will have to go through a couple of these boys to find the right one or maybe you'll encounter an amazing guy at one shot.
Obviously all guys aren't perfect and trust me they do stupid things that we don't like. They don't think the way do. That's just how it is. And obviously we are not perfect beings either.
If you are dealing with this at the current moment, it's time to let go and steer clear from this type of tom foolery. Yes, I just said tom foolery and never imagined a word from my high school English class would fit but it is more than appropriate at this moment.
Throw on some Taylor Swift and dance around your room. Cry. Just do whatever you need to do to toss that kid to the side.
Trust me, they'll come back once they realize that they missed out on someone great. Someone worthwhile.
Keep your head high and remember that you deserve so much more darling.
Time is so important so don't spend it on someone who doesn't care about spending it on you.
Find the one who makes you happy and leaves a never ending smile on your beautiful face for all of the right reasons.
xoxo,
